Planet Control · Channel open
Planet
Vodka
Classified for a reason
The world is a dangerous place. Fortunately, there's vodka.
Now screening
Coming Fall 2027
Reel 01 · Transmission intercepted
Runtime 0:28 · Sound required
The product
Distilled with precision
Planet Vodka is made in Canada by Hollywood North Distilleries from premium grain and exceptionally pure water, column distilled and charcoal filtered until there is nothing left in the glass but clarity.
Clean on the nose, round across the palate, dry and quiet at the finish. Cold, it turns almost silky. It is built for a martini and it does not need to be hidden in anything.
Unlike most of our operations.
Acquire the asset
Sub-level four
Planet Control
Nine hundred staff, four hundred telephones and one bottle under glass at the centre of the room. Nobody has explained why it is there. Nobody is willing to ask.
Enter headquarters →Current mission
The Password
- GUARD: Password?
- AGENT: Vodka.
- GUARD: No.
- AGENT: Planet Vodka.
- The door opens immediately.
- GUARD: Why didn't you say so.
- GUARD, calling after him: Password was Helsinki.
Experiment 0074
The Planet Martini
Objective: determine whether one is enough. Result: inconclusive. Recommendation: repeat experiment.
Enter the laboratory →
Personnel
Smooth under pressure
Our agents aren't. Agent 00½ has never reached a correct conclusion. The Director has not smiled since 1947. Q-Section built a laser wristwatch and cannot operate the coffee machine.
Open the personnel files →Global operations
Available around the world
Eventually.
London
51°30′N 0°07′W
Monte Carlo
43°44′N 7°25′E
Rome
41°54′N 12°29′E
Toronto
43°39′N 79°23′W
Helsinki
60°10′N 24°56′E
Undisclosed
██°██′ ██°██′
You are here → somewhere in the North Atlantic, according to the map.
The line-up
Same planet. Different missions.
Field rations
Mixed in advance, for once
Cranberry
Espresso Martini
Grapefruit
Wild Blueberry
Form 27-B · Recruitment
Your country needs you.
We don't. But we'd still like your email address. Successful applicants are notified of new operations, releases and anything the Director permits us to put in writing.
Planet Vodka
Classified for a reason
The best agents know when the mission is over.